What If It Works?
After years of struggling with the balance of full-time jobs in addition to my true love...private practice, I did a thing. I left it all. Not only did I relocate to an island, I found myself on the most remote part of this island. I can't get a full time job here if I wanted to. I can't give my time away to things I don't love because there are no things here. I don't sit in traffic. I can't go the movies. The grocery store is two hours away. Compulsory, emotional shopping is not even an option - I could shop online, but even Amazon Prime is 5-7 day delivery.
Time and space to do things is abundant. There's always more to learn, and each drop of new knowledge opens up the door to the nuances and details and derailments of even more to master and be humbled by! I frustrate my brain introducing it to the sociology of tumblr, while getting down with the basics of writing a business plan, working on a memoir, 3 websites, a growing practice, and clothing design. My practice transformed into an online adventure that has proven effective and accessible to wonderful people. That's just the worklove side of things. I also have a growing family and a body to nourish and exercise and tend to. Oh, I just planted some herb seedlings and am trying my hand at sewing. And Netflix won't stop coming out with new tv series!
Is there a problem here? Good question. My brain sure wants to create one. Anxiety is running around screaming that the sky is falling. I asked that part of myself that is scared, "What is there to be afraid of?" The answer surprised me. I can't do all the things! It's like FOMO but the fear is not missing out on a social event, but missing out on the actualization of ideas. And worse, what if it all works out? Then I can't bury my head in the sand. I can't give my power back and let someone else decide. Now that I'm in charge (or, rather, now that I have disolved any illusion of who/what decides what I do) I must contend with the fears that kept me from acknowledging this amount of power for so long. What if it works!?