The Table

I often work with people's repetitive behaviors and addictions using the metaphor of a three-legged table. Each leg is a behavior, attitude, thought pattern, or cirumstance that keeps us upright and functioning (or not). If we take away one of the legs, the entire table comes crashing down. This makes each leg, no matter how seemingly destructive or honorable, vital to us standing up at this point and time. It's not that we can never change the things that are not serving us. It's the process of changing out the legs that we have to do differently. Adding behaviors that serve us or help reduce harm will naturally create stability and a new leg to stand on, so to speak. Once the new leg is in place, we can gently remove the old one, but not a second before. We are often met on the path of resisting our tendencies with failure, guilt, and shame. Instead of focusing on stopping, let us make commitments to ourselves to add more legs - more supportive behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, and circumstances - as we move towards the kind of foundation we want to rely upon.

Not sure what to add? Imagine that you could no longer do that thing you wish you wouldn't do. Not that you didn't do it anymore, but that you couldn't.

Imagine:

There are no more cigarettes.

You're out of coffee.

There's no sweets, or salts, or sodas, or whatever it is.

You can't see or call or text or email that person anymore.

You can't watch that anymore.

You have to share.

You have to give up your priviledge.

Whatever it is, you can't have it.

Feel that? That's why you do it...to avoid that feeling. What else could you do in addition to help assist with that discomfort? That's where you start.